McJesus Drama
Characters
Cashier
Warm-fuzzy
Judge
Sunday
Christian
Script
Cashier:
Cha-Ching.... Welcome to McJesus. May I take your order please?
Warm-fuzzy:
Yeah, I'm not sure what you call it but I want the Jesus that gives me everything I ask for. You know, answers all my prayers immediately. And I've got a pretty long request list so you better make it with the works.
Cashier:
I'm sorry, we're all out of the Sugar Daddy Jesus today.
Warm-fuzzy:
Oh. Well, I guess I'd settle for a Jesus that won't ever let anything really bad happen to me. You see I don't like pain. Pain hurts me.
Cashier:
Oh! You want the Warm Fuzzy Jesus
Warm-fuzzy:
Yeah, with extra gushy, mushy love.
Cashier:
Give me a Warm Fuzzy - extra sweet!
Cha-Ching.... Welcome to McJesus. May I take your order please?
Judge:
I'd like the condemning Jesus #5.
Cashier:
Will that be with or without mercy?
Judge:
Hold the mercy.
Cashier:
Will you have any lightning bolts with that?
Judge:
Yeah extra lightning bolts.
Cashier:
Wow, you must have a lot of enemies.
Judge:
Well, I'd like to think that I'm just trying to clean up the world a little bit. You know, get rid of the prostitutes, drug addicts, homosexuals, ...my boss...
Cashier:
Oh I see, kind of a selective early judgement day.
Judge:
Yeah, and someone who'll let me hate these people without feeling guilty.
Cashier:
You're in luck! We're running a special today on the Terminator Jesus
Judge:
Righteous.
Cashier:
Is there anything else?
Judge:
I'll be back.
Cashier:
Ba Bing. Next
Sunday:
I would like to buy three dollars worth of Jesus please. Not enough to make me a fanatic or drastically alter my lifestyle but just enough to make me feel comfortable. I don't want enough of him to make me love someone with AIDS or become a missionary or anything. Just give me a pound of the supernatural in a paper sack.
Cashier:
Anything else?
Sunday:
That's all.
Cashier:
Give me a number 7.
Cha-Ching ... Welcome to McJesus may I take your order please?
Christian:
Yes, I'd like the real Jesus please.
Cashier:
Will that be the real Jesus number 1, 2 or 3?
Christian:
How can there be more than one real Jesus?
Cashier:
This is McJesus, where you can have any kind of Jesus you want! C'mon have it your way.
Christian:
I don't want him in my way. ... Maybe I'm in the wrong place. I want the one true Jesus. The one in the Bible.
Cashier:
Oh the bible. Why didn't you say that before? You need to go to our McBible location on Southside
Christian:
McBible?
Cashier:
Yeah McBible. They have 33 different varieties of the good book to choose from. With or without miracles. No prophecy, extra prophecy. Cut and paste versions. You name it!
Christian:
No thanks. I'll stick with the bible I've got.
Cashier:
Suit yourself. NEXT!
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